The Absolute Most Annoying People You’ll Meet On Public Transport, Ranked
Alana is the staff writer on AWOL who thinks the…
Public transport can be a blessing (cheap travel) and a curse (being smushed against other humans), but how enjoyable it is on any given day ultimately comes down to the other passengers.
When you’re just trying to get to home during peak hour, you can only pray to sit next to someone who’s happy to sit quietly, use headphones and stare out the window.
Unfortunately, that’s often not the case. Too frequently, we meet some truly annoying passengers on buses and trains. So what better way to direct our rage than by mercilessly ranking them all?
This woman giving it ALL to the selfie cam on the train is SENDING ME pic.twitter.com/i3JoSPKj3I
— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) August 17, 2019
Think of this the next time you find yourself next to someone holding a loud conversation over (shudder) speaker phone.
Here’s every annoying person you meet on public transport, ranked from least to most annoying:
#10 The person who doesn’t stand up to let you out of your seat
The rules are very simple: when the person in the window seat wants to get off, you stand up and let them pass.
People who stay in their seat and just turn to the side or pull their legs in should have their Opal cards revoked.
#9 The person who boards before everyone else can get off
Honestly, people, just wait until everyone disembarks before you get on. The train isn’t going to leave without you, promise.
Also, don’t crowd around the doors and force other passengers to shove past you. Step back from the doors, take a deep breath, and reevaluate your life choices.
Just saw a guy throw himself through a crowd to get on the carriage first. Simmer pal, it’s the train to Neilston, not Space Mountain.
— Stephanie Boyle (@StephanieFBoyle) December 14, 2016
#8 The person who waits until they’re at the scanner to pull out their card
There’s no reason you shouldn’t get your travel card ready before you need to use it.
Anyone who waltzes up to the bus doors or station gates and then starts fishing for their card will only succeed in slowing down the line and making everyone, themselves included, late.
They’re the kind of person who expects you to arrive at 7:30pm sharp but is always late to your parties because they spend too long doing their makeup.
#7 The person who’s actually a kid
I am absolutely not having a go at parents who are just trying to get their kids from point A to point B. From my extremely limited experience looking after kids, I can’t even imagine how hard that would be. But I am absolutely having a go at kids who cry, scream, or run on the bus when I’m trying to read my stories.
Just kidding. Kids are idiots and don’t realise why this is annoying.
Still, though. Cool your jets, kids (and parents).
I don’t believe children should be tried as adults but the little girl behind me on the train has been SLURPING on her own hair for three hours and she should absolutely go to jail for at least 5 years.
— (@moby_dickhead) August 17, 2019
#6 The person who sits in the aisle seat
…on a crowded bus when the window seat is also free.
Is it a power move? A social experiment? Are they marking their territory by declaring no one can sit with them, ala Gretchen Wieners? (As if she’d ever be caught dead on the bus.)
Or are they just a jerk who doesn’t care if people have to climb over them to sit down? Oh yeah, we know their type. They’ve definitely eaten all the chocolates their housemate brought home to share because “you said I could have some.”
#5 The person who’s just a man
Whether they’re manspreading across two seats or flirting when you’re just hoping to get to work early enough to stop for a coffee, I think we can all agree that men should be banned from public transport.
Why not go one better? It’s 2020, can’t we all agree that men should be banned from public?
On the train and a man leaned over to a woman who was refreshing her cell phone and said “try a book, it doesn’t need WiFi” and can I tell you every other woman on this train looked at him like pic.twitter.com/CVoZ9ILERo
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) July 9, 2019
#4 The person on the phone
Having a phone call on public transport is extremely demented, not just because you’re disrupting a public space but also because you’re choosing to speak to someone over the phone. Simply text them.
If you’re going to have a loud phone conversation, at least do the rest of us a favour and make it a juicy story.
This woman on my train looked thrilled to be taking this call. pic.twitter.com/1w8zvQZPs7
— Gareth Dimelow (@gdimelow) July 13, 2016
#3 The person who’s sick
Dear sick people, I know it’s not your fault that you’re sick and still have someplace to be.
But that doesn’t mean it’s not still annoying to be sitting next to someone who’s coughing their lungs up.
I tried fake coughing so nobody would sit next to me on the train and a laDY SAT NEXT TO ME AND SAID “ILL SIT NEXT TO SOMEONE ELSE W A COLD”
— not maddie (@defnotmads) March 18, 2017
#2 The person who forgets their headphones
Unless you’re playing ‘Untouched’ on repeat, we don’t want to hear your shitty music.
In fact, why is it never The Veronicas stans who listen to music without headphones on public transport? It’s almost always people blasting late-2000s EDM or songs by Chris Brown.
And nobody gets a pass if they’re watching Love Is Blind or scrolling TikTok. I’m sorry, but there’s literally nothing so important that you need to listen to it out loud on the bus.
Operator: 911 what’s your emergency?
Me: A guy is blasting Imagine Dragons on the train.
Operator: Thats not an emergency.
Me: I killed him.— Patrick Hastie (@PatrickHastie) February 12, 2017
#1 The person who manspreads
The worst of the worst, the manspreader is absolutely the last person you want to sit next to on public transport (or anywhere). With their legs spread wide in what I can only assume they think is a handsome power pose, they take up twice the space of a normal person and make your public transport experience absolutely cursed.
The only good thing about manspreading is that I, a dainty woman, get a thrill from shoving men’s legs out of my seat when I sit down.
Despite a couple of other seats being avail on this train i just sat next to a guy who was spread across 2 seats just so he had to move over
— f*male b*tch (@Ahhmandah) December 1, 2016
(Lead image: Broad City / Comedy Central)
Alana is the staff writer on AWOL who thinks the best way to travel is by taking spontaneous detours and stopping at every local bakery to try the cakes. She writes a lot about Australian TV, Big Things, cursed food, and theme parks. You can follow her on Instagram @alana.dotcom. It’s mostly dogs she meets along the way.