People love to drag waiting at the airport, but you know what? Those people are cowards. Spending a few hours at the airport before a flight is actually great and in this essay I will…
“Long queues! Expensive coffee! There are too many people!” I hear you say. Shut your beautiful mouth because I’m about to tell you why bumming around an airport is one of life’s great luxuries.
The airport is a lawless place. 7am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 23, 2018
Nothing is real in an airport
Honestly, yes, airports are garbage when the line through security is slow and winding, your flight gets delayed three times and you’re about to get the middle seat on a 12-hour flight. But in the time between getting through security and boarding your flight, once you’ve checked in your bag and become a person untethered, an airport becomes a haven of self-indulgence.
Some people will tell you that they’re a great place to send emails, catch up on work and call your mum. But they are wrong. An airport is a lawless place, where the normal rules of society don’t exist. Do you want a cocktail at 7am? If you’re in an airport, no one can stop you, and all the bars are open because time doesn’t exist here.
How about Maccas for breakfast? Eating healthy is great, experts claim, but soon you’ll be locked in a metal can in the sky, so shoving a greasy burger into your mouth at 7:20am (after your cocktail) should be the least of your worries.
me before going through security at airport: what if i accidentally have a gun
— gnatalie (@jbfan911) June 21, 2019
Snacks? In this economy??
In an airport, getting a Big Mac meal for brekkie is no worse than splashing out for an overpriced salad or sushi that might make you feel sick on the plane. And if you’re at Sydney Airport you can watch your order race along the little conveyor belts, which I think we can all agree is self-care.
But spending too much money is simply a concept that does not exist in an airport. Spending $14 on a sandwich is perfectly respectable, as is wolfing down the overpriced Tim Tams and Red Rock Deli chips you just bought.
“oh you’re thirsty? good. we’re $9 now, you stupid fuck” – bottles of water at an airport.
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) November 18, 2018
But most importantly, this is a chance for some serious me-time. You’ve just been given a couple of hours to yourself. Find a comfy seat overlooking the tarmac to slowly sip your exxy cappuccino. Watch the sunrise and listen in to all the bonkers conversations going on around you.
By this stage you should be in your comfiest clothes — think your stretchiest athleisure gear and your baggiest hoodie. Fashion, like every other concept humans have imposed on themselves, doesn’t exist inside these walls. No matter your outfit, you fit right in among scary-looking business women and children wearing Star Wars shirts.
I will always admire anybody confidently strutting through the airport wearing a neck pillow.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 4, 2018
Waiting in an airport is like attending a yoga retreat, patting a dog and finally getting meditation all wrapped up into one bizarre, transformative experience. You’ll never have a better opportunity to indulge — you’ve just got to lean into it.
Of course, this should already be obvious to every Aussie, because Kath and Kel had their entire honeymoon in Melbourne’s Tullamarine Airport. Like the foxy lady of Fountain Gate said: “What a nong I was to think I had to get on a plane to have a holiday!”
(Lead image: Kath & Kim)
Alana is the staff writer on AWOL who thinks the best way to travel is by taking spontaneous detours and stopping at every local bakery to try the cakes. She writes a lot about Australian TV, Big Things, cursed food, and theme parks. You can follow her on Instagram @alana.dotcom. It’s mostly dogs she meets along the way.