It’s our fundamental right to say things like “Ooft” any time we’re faced with a flight longer than 5 hours. But here’s an idea: stop denying that you don’t think long flights are fun, you sexy monsters.
Admittedly, in this case “fun” is relative. I wouldn’t choose a 20-hour flight over a weekend of day drinking with my mates. But it’s easy to learn to love long flights.
I saw a man on my flight pull his phone out seemingly apropos of nothing add 200+300 (it was 500) then just put his phone away
— MJT (@meganjeaux) July 26, 2019
Passengers can have a little cookie, as a treat
On the ground, there’s almost never get a day that you don’t need to work, buy groceries, or go outside — where you can just watch TV for hours, and Netflix starts to asks if you’re still there and you begin to worry it might be onto something.
In the air, you don’t answer to anyone. There’s nothing for you to do except binge TV, eat food that you don’t have to cook for yourself, and nap.
Good thing most planes have TVs. Nothings worse than having to look out the window at Earths sacred majesty from the point of view of angels
— yung deuteronomy (@pharmasean) May 10, 2014
Who cares that the TV selection is limited, the food is questionable and you don’t have a bed? That’s the kind of language a quitter uses.
Long flights are your chance to watch all the movies you missed at the cinema six months ago. Want to catch up exclusively on season 2 of a show that’s 6 seasons long? Good, because that’s all your plane will be showing.
Do you generally try to eat healthy but really, deep down, just want a burger? Good, because you’re going to be stuffing your face with shitty meals and salty snacks for 20 hours, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Tired: complaining about plane food.
Wired: shoving free cookies into your mouth and getting tipsy from one wine served in a plastic cup.
i think my soulmate is the lady on my flight who just groaned thru the end of Grown Ups, rubbed her eyes in defeat, then started Grown Ups 2
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) September 3, 2017
Party like it’s 2am but you have no idea what time zone you’re in
Planes are, famously, all about the journey. And, in your own journey on a plane, there’s freedom.
It doesn’t matter what time it was when you took off. Here, the only thing that matters is that it’s hour 6 of your journey, and that means it’s time for your mid-flight meal. And it’ll be cooked for you, delivered to you and cleaned up for you.
A fun thing about flying now is spending the time in air wondering what specific kind of post-apocalyptic hellscape you’ll touch down in.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 1, 2017
It doesn’t matter what time it is on the ground below. On a plane, you order a cup of wine at 2am and a coffee at 3am. You see the flight attendants rolling their cart towards you and you ponder whether you’re going to get the chips or the cheese and crackers this time.
Stop lying, you kind of enjoy long flights
Then there’s the basic vibe of being on a long flight. Unlike on buses, (most) passengers on planes are quiet. Everyone’s too busy watching B-grade movies to make small talk. And unlike trains, you get a blanket. It’s like being wrapped up in a comforting hug for 20 hours.
i tripped over on the plane and we immediately hit turbulence which i know was just a coincidence but wow bad timing for my confidence
— Daniel Howell (@danielhowell) August 30, 2016
Inevitably, when you hit hour 15 or when you need to pee but your seat neighbour is sleeping, long flights become a lot less fun. But it’s easy to pull yourself back from the brink. Just hit play on Miss Congeniality, or whatever other Sandra Bullock movie the in-flight entertainment has to offer.
Perhaps Aussies have more patience for long flights. Almost every flight is a long flight for us because we’re in the middle of nowhere. Or perhaps we’ve tapped into the surprising luxury that is a fuck-off long flight.
There are two kinds of people: people who stand up and try to force their way into the airplane aisle after the plane has landed but before they’re letting anybody off, and people who are not at the top of my list if The Purge ever happens
— Erin The Great State of Kansas Ryan (@morninggloria) August 12, 2018
(Lead image: Bridesmaids)
Alana is the staff writer on AWOL who thinks the best way to travel is by taking spontaneous detours and stopping at every local bakery to try the cakes. She writes a lot about Australian TV, Big Things, cursed food, and theme parks. You can follow her on Instagram @alana.dotcom. It’s mostly dogs she meets along the way.